What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Bad Joke of the Day
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"A pint for me, and one for the road."
"A pint for me, and one for the road."
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Bad Joke of the Day (3)
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Things Never To Say When Lingerie Shopping
- No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
- Mom will love this.
- Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
- Forty Five bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!!
- Oh, honey, you'll NEVER squeeze your ass into that!!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Bad Joke of the Day (2)
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Bad Joke of the Day
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur.
I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Hi
MARC GREETS THINGS IN THE MORNING
Hi boy with the bike on the vase on the bloom
ploom ploom
hi chair by the table
hi bread on the table
hi fisher-of-fish with the pipe
and
hi fisher-of -fish with cap
cap and pipe
of the fisher-of-fish
H i i i —i fish
hi little fish
hi tiny fishy-fine of mine
--- Paul Van Ostaijen
Greater Serbia
Says one soldier to another:
"What are you going to do after the war?"
"Well, I'm going to travel around Greater Serbia."
"And what will you do in the afternoon?"
"What are you going to do after the war?"
"Well, I'm going to travel around Greater Serbia."
"And what will you do in the afternoon?"
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Overheard at the beach
American beach-goer #1: I wonder if the people here have trouble understanding us sometimes.
American beach-goer #2: Why would they?
American beach-goer #1: Because of our accents.
American beach-goer #2: But we don't have accents.
American beach-goer #2: Why would they?
American beach-goer #1: Because of our accents.
American beach-goer #2: But we don't have accents.
--- Some beach in Scotland
Moving along
This was turning out to be the longest winter in living memory, so long, in fact, that living memory itself was being shortened as some of the older citizens succumbed.
--- Terry Pratchett (Discworlds)
Monday, October 16, 2006
Mary the Elephant
It was 1916, and things were changing fast. World War I raged in Europe. Dadaism, ripe with comic derision and irrationality, took hold in artistic circles. Freeform jazz took hold of the American music scene. Margaret Sanger opened the first birth-control clinic.It was a good year for scapegoats.
It was a good year to hang an elephant.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
buź
I can smoke chimneys
drink acid
spit blood
lick salt stones
But I refuse to become cynical
when it comes to love.
drink acid
spit blood
lick salt stones
But I refuse to become cynical
when it comes to love.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Overheard at the beach
Guy on cell:
When the freeway ends, turn left...
Yes, the freeway ends....
Because the continent ends, dipshit.
When the freeway ends, turn left...
Yes, the freeway ends....
Because the continent ends, dipshit.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
The right premonition
What has made it possible for us to live in time like fish in water, like birds in air, like children?It is the fault of Empire! Empire has created the time of history. Empire has located its existence not in the smooth recurrent spinning time of the cycle of seasons but in the jagged time of rise and fall, of beginning and end, of catastrophe. Empire dooms itself to live in history and plot against history.
One thought alone preoccupies the submerged mind of Empire: how not to end, how not to die, how to prolong its era. By day it pursues its enemies. It is cunning and ruthless, it sends its bloodhounds everywhere. By night it feeds on images of disaster: the sack of cities, the rape of populations, pyramids of bones, acres of desolation.
--- J.M. Coetzee (Waiting for the Barbarians)
Copyright Violation of the Day
Apparently, I will go to jail for three years for this one. In Belgium this luckily means I will be out by November.
Bad Joke of the Day
What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
"Make me one with everything."
Bad pickup line
Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Enough to break the ice! I'm Davor.
*handshake*
Enough to break the ice! I'm Davor.
*handshake*
Orchestra of Bubbles
Ellen Allien and Apparat, two headstrong musicians who indeed differ in their musical context but still come together not just at the peripheral rims, collaborated on an album together: "Orchestra of Bubbles".
By a deep plunge into the world of sound of their counterpart both are trying to find gateways in order to expand their own possibilities.
Pretty nice, if you ask me.
Download or listen to full demo "Do not break".
By a deep plunge into the world of sound of their counterpart both are trying to find gateways in order to expand their own possibilities.
Pretty nice, if you ask me.
Download or listen to full demo "Do not break".
Friday, October 06, 2006
Over it?
- I am the god of hangovers - he said.- And where is your audience?
- Oh, that's easy. Just go to any afterparty house and you can hear "ohmyyyyyyygooooood".
(Terry Pratchett - kind of)
Overheard at the beach
Little girl: Daddy! Guess what I am supposed to be!
Dad: You are a crab.
Little girl: Right! Ok, Daddy, now it's your turn.
Dad sits there, talking to his wife.
Little girl: Daddy! You are supposed to be something!
Dad: I am. I am being a cool guy.
Dad: You are a crab.
Little girl: Right! Ok, Daddy, now it's your turn.
Dad sits there, talking to his wife.
Little girl: Daddy! You are supposed to be something!
Dad: I am. I am being a cool guy.
Bad Joke of the Day
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Random quote
Nothing happens to me.
It's me that happens to other people.
It's me that happens to other people.
--- excellently smelling submarine dragonfly
love's banks
Taking distance and leave is the horny metaphysics
Of men who keep their love hot and moist
In a far-off spot, and so cook their days.
Leaving, slamming doors, is the pure zealotry
Of women who have swallowed their lovers
And make their swelling bodies into sheer religion.
I know those two, they are alone, but for each other.
They have time, the same one, but on grounds that differ
Like that banks of that one widespread stream.
In that water they lie abysmally reflected
Viewing the passing, passing the view.
And not a soul who knows what has got into them both.
Of men who keep their love hot and moist
In a far-off spot, and so cook their days.
Leaving, slamming doors, is the pure zealotry
Of women who have swallowed their lovers
And make their swelling bodies into sheer religion.
I know those two, they are alone, but for each other.
They have time, the same one, but on grounds that differ
Like that banks of that one widespread stream.
In that water they lie abysmally reflected
Viewing the passing, passing the view.
And not a soul who knows what has got into them both.
Overheard at the beach
Chick #1: You were a complete whore last night.
Chick #2: Look who's talking! Do I have to mention the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Listen to how you're talking about me and my brother. He's gonna think I'm a complete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He didn't know who the fuck Derek was until you opened your fuckin' mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you're right...
Chick #2: Look who's talking! Do I have to mention the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Listen to how you're talking about me and my brother. He's gonna think I'm a complete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He didn't know who the fuck Derek was until you opened your fuckin' mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you're right...
Nec spe, nec metu
"I didn't say that Muslims are stupid. I said they practise a stupid religion."
Asked if he was racist against Islam, he answered:
"You can't be racist against a religion."
Asked if he was racist against Islam, he answered:
"You can't be racist against a religion."
--- Michel Houellebecq (in some interview)
Charles, I need a knife, fork & napkin
The deal is:I have an eye on her.
She has an eye on me.
And now, I have HER eye on MY desktop...
How profound is that?
Mee-ow
"He's in love," said Gaspode. "It's very tricky."
"Yeah, I know how it is," said the cat sympathetically.
"People throwing old boots and things at you."
"Yeah, I know how it is," said the cat sympathetically.
"People throwing old boots and things at you."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Overheard at the beach
Woman: Instead of saying hello, we should say heaveno.
Hello gives Satan powers.
Hello gives Satan powers.
The Eye
"He didn't take any notice!" whispered Tomjon.
"A born critic," said the dwarf.
-- Discworld stage actors in conversation
"A born critic," said the dwarf.
-- Discworld stage actors in conversation
(Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)
Weeeeeee
Women are like tornadoes
When they come, they're wet 'n wild
When they're gone
They took your house 'n car.
When they come, they're wet 'n wild
When they're gone
They took your house 'n car.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
cold children
I pull the cork out of your neck
your heart seethes to your head
opaquely comparable
to the cross
that feeds but not learns
Are you sitting on a pillow
or do you feel the ground
of your fallen brothers
with their rusty swords
and rotten ideals
The fierce struggle gave birth
to indifference...
your heart seethes to your head
opaquely comparable
to the cross
that feeds but not learns
Are you sitting on a pillow
or do you feel the ground
of your fallen brothers
with their rusty swords
and rotten ideals
The fierce struggle gave birth
to indifference...
Then it hit me
"These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there."
(Terry Pratchett, Life among the primitive Discworld tribes, Eric)
nidalla
"I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed. "I'm afraid of grounds."
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)
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